SHUTUP EVERYONE! MY KID IS ASLEEP!

This was written as a Guest Post (my first guest post – whoot whoot!), for the wonderful site of Mum Meets Mum. You can visit their webpage here or visit their Facebook page. You can also view the post here.

How frustrating* is it when you have just put your kid down for a nap, and the whole world decides it’s time to start making extreme noise?!

Do they save their antics up for this sacred time? Or are we, as parents, just being too sensitive? Too fragile? Too, ‘Are we over-thinking every noise that we hear’?

Nah…..I think they are completely saving it up, and laughing along all the way……….those bastards.

*I actually don’t think frustrating is the correct word…some of these below might be more on the mark:

• F***king annoying!
• Stupid!
• Really f***king annoying and stupid!

My Mum used to always say when Reeve was a bub, to make sure noise was around him when he was sleeping. Just so he would get used to it. I totally agree with this statement…..but ONLY if I am the one making the noise.

I get to control the type of noise.
The level of noise.
The right type of noise.

I did take my Mums advice on board and tried vacuuming when Reeve was a baby. Sure, it was an loud and ‘even’ noise, so it was a good thing to start with. BUT….

It took me like 2 hours to vacuum the house. Because I turned the vacuum off every 15 seconds to listen if he was crying. That is probably the reason why my vacuum cleaner on/off button is a bit broken. He never woke up, but it was just me as a worrying parent to see if I had interrupted his sleep.

So I was cool if I was in control of the noise. I could deal with that part. But everyone else, living thing, or just anything that makes a noise (and this is where I get out of control angry)…..

• Don’t start up your hotted up car please neighbour (who is 70+ mind you. Good on him. But don’t do that shit if I haven’t approved it.)
• Don’t do dumbarse skateboard tricks please teenagers, while you walk past our house. I will pay you money to get out of my area. Just leave. And do it quietly.
• Shoosh!!! Fitness fanatics who think it’s fine to walk and chat at the same time. Nope. Don’t do it when you walk past my house. Just don’t do it, okay? Shutup and think of the fat you are burning off.
• Don’t let your dog bark….EVER. Your dog sucks balls. I hate your dog.
• Nature…SHUTUP! I will chase every bird, grasshopper and fly away from my house if you dare make a sound from any orifice of your body.

Don’t make me come and whip your arse.
(image from http://www.dontbethatparent.net)

Do you get me?

I hope so, because I don’t really want to be the only angry parent in the world where they think their neighbours are cool one day, arseholes the next.

Everyone has to go about their daily business obviously, but don’t be so effing loud about it please.

Do you realise how hard it is to make my toddler have a nap these days? I have honestly thought about going outside and shouting to the world…

“HEY EVERYONE! LET’S KEEP THE FREAKING NOISE DOWN FOR THE NEXT HOUR OR SO. MY KID IS ASLEEP RIGHT NOW!

Reeve is nearly 2 1/2 now, and he has been dropping and going back to his daysleeps for the past few months now. But he still is having them, and because they are so ‘up and down’ right now, they are like gold to me.

Actually the value of gold has recently gone down in Australia, so let’s just say his sleeps are more like treasured 500kg diamonds. So I sure don’t need any buggers destroying that sacred timeout for me.

I have heard and read some unbelievable stories where parents have put their bub/kid down for asleep (after a juggling mix of shooshing, rocking, driving the car, and doing some really weird stuff just to get their kid to sleep). Only for the kid to be woken by the neighbours front door closing. Or your cat meows (you know he was saving it up this whole time). Or a plane flies overhead.

COME ON!! ARE YOU SERIOUS??!!

KEEP IT DOWN JETSTAR!
(image from http://www.io9.com)

If your kid can sleep through anything….. I would shake your hand and give you a high five. It’s a rare thing to hear about.

So if you think the same as me, and you get a bit on the touchy side when the neighbourhood makes noise after you have just put your kid down for a sleep….then I love you. We will get along for sure.

Please visit my blog page and facebook page (LIKE and SHARE please) to read some more stories on the humorous side of parenthood.

Love (as Reeve says),

xxoo

p.s. I wrote this post just after my 2 year old woke from a cockatoo flying above our house and squawking. If that bird just happened to land on our property, I honestly would have punched it.