5 WEIRD CONVERSATIONS THAT MAY HAPPEN WITH SMALL CHILDREN

“How can you need to poo AGAIN?”

This conversation is guaranteed (100%) to come up 7.53 minutes after bedtime.

Kids have this uncanny knack of saving their poo up until the most inconvenient time.

Inconvenient for the parent. Very timely for the child.

This will usually happen when you have put them to bed for the 18th time, about to kick off your shoes, watch some sort of show that doesn’t have any crappy kiddie jingles associated with it, and pour a glass of wine.

The conversation will go something like this:

Small child calling out from bedroom: “MUMM! I NEED TO POO!”

Parent: “WHAT? AGAIN? YOU JUST POOED 15 MINUTES AGO. AND THEN 10 MINUTES BEFORE THAT! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU STORING ALL THIS STUFF IN YOUR SMALL BODY???”

The phrase ‘Full of Shit’, is actually not far off the truth when it comes to small children…… and bedtime.

“Can you please stop touching ‘DOWN THERE!'”

Maybe this happens with boys more? But maybe not.

As parents, we all know how much they ‘play down there’, but COME ON, sometimes it borders on ridiculous.

Admit it, as parents of boys, we have all threatened when it’s bath-time, that ‘it will fall off and go down the drain‘ if they play with it too much.

So we do what we have to do. We work with our surroundings and use the dark dungeon hole of a drain to maybe spark some scariness in the whole ‘event’.

Judging from the passing male adult public, I see the ‘playing or touching down there’ never really truly ends.

“Can you please take my underwear off your head?”

Look. I am sure everyone is quite open to having their kids occupy themselves while they get the shitty job of ironing done. But maybe us responsible parents have to interrupt our awesome job of ironing every week, and announce aloud to our precious innocent beings that “It’s not cool” when they decide to put Mummy’s clean g-strings on the head.

The operative word being, clean, people. Don’t freak out now.

Sure, normally no one else is around to see this interesting event. But we really wouldn’t be able to live with ourselves if they sit down to read “Where’s The Green Sheep?”, with our fave black knickers hanging down over their eyebrows.

“No, you can’t visit Paw Patrol and see Chickoletta.”

Every parent will come across a few conversations with their kids about their favourite shows and characters*. Usually about every three seconds. Sometimes every six seconds……if you are one of those lucky bastards.

*Damn you ABC Kids and every other stupid kids channel out there (but secretly, thanks for being my co-parent).

In a small child’s view, it may even seem that we speak about the characters as if they were ACTUAL REAL TRUE PEOPLE and we CAN VISIT THEM ANYTIME WE WANT.

Then our shitty lies back fire on us.

Because one day our kid asks if they can visit Paw Patrol land and go down the slide like the puppies do and save the day and wear a badge and be heeelarious just like Marshall and blah blah blah blah.

And then we have the very responsible job of telling them that it’s all lies and not real, and sorry to break your heart kiddo, but paw patrol is a load of cartoonish Nickelodeon crapola that is only there to keep you occupied while Mummy does her chores.

β€œYes, Santa is watching you through the security monitor thingy.”

This is a personal one. And you can borrow if you need. I actually borrowed this idea from fellow blogger – The Notorious Mum (thanks Lisa, you are awesome).

Sometimes I have to go to the extreme. And I know this sounds very unethical and wrong, but one day I lost my shit because my kid was driving me so bat shit crazy with his ‘threenager’ behaviour that I felt that I needed to bring out the big guns.

And the big guns for kids, is SANTA.

So I did it.

I brought out the big ammunition and told my kid that Santa was watching his behaviour all the time…..through our security monitors in the house.

So every time that beautiful blue light comes on, SANTA IS WATCHING HIS SHIT – AND HIS SHIT BETTER BE GOOD OR NO TRAMPOLINE THIS YEAR, MISTER.

It worked. He doesn’t freak out about it. He just knows he is warned when that sparkly beautiful North Pole bluish light comes on, whenever he misbehaves.

And that my friends, is how you parent sometimes.

Can you relate to these conversations, or can you not? I would love to hear your weird conversations with your small (or big) children. They’re all funny.
Please leave your comments below. xo

Love (as Reeve says),
Yes_Peas_Mumma_signature

xxoo

p.s. I use the Santa thing on my son all throughout the year. Sometimes I throw the Easter Bunny and Superman in too. It’s whatever works for me and the situation. Try it if you have any flashing lights in the house that are reliable πŸ˜‰

Linking up with Essentially Jess for #IBOT

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25 thoughts on “5 WEIRD CONVERSATIONS THAT MAY HAPPEN WITH SMALL CHILDREN

  1. My three year old is very big on telling me her dreams each morning. Always starts with “mama, I have good dreams last night!” I ask what they were about and she tells me. The last three days have been “good tigers that like juice”, “elephants that go to the movies” and “triangles”. Triangles?!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahhh, the old triangle dream. Yes, that is a bit of a weird conversation. But as parents, we do expect that with kids. At least she sounds like she is having relatively ‘happy’ dreams. Tigers that like juice sounds cool.

      Like

  2. The poo one especially made me laugh. When Mr 21 was being toilet trained many years ago, we would reward him with a Freddo Frog if he did a Number 2 in the toilet (he really resisted for a long time so desperate times call for desperate measures!). Well the little monkey had such great control of his bowels (just like we’d suspected) that soon he was pooping and asking for Freddos numerous times a day, so we had to set a new rule restricting his supply to just one a day!!!

    Visiting from #teamIBOT x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I had a lengthy and frustrating conversation with my three year old about why he couldn’t be Woody from Toy Story when he grows up! Where do they come up with this stuff?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. One of mine used to have a fascination with public toilets. Every time we went out she had to go and see them. As a person who hates public toilets, it drove me nuts. Thankfully she has outgrown it.
    I don’t know why I just wrote that. I think the poo talk to me there somehow.
    I’m suddenly thinking this was a very random comment to leave now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha! Not a random comment, just a weird thing you experienced with your daughter. It’s quite funny :). I have heard some kids are obsessed with toilets, and need to see them all the time. Kids are just weird in general, I think!

      Like

  5. I didn’t realise as a parent just how many conversations about genitals I would have to have with a small child. ‘No mummy doesn’t have a willy’. ‘No it didn’t drop off, Mummy just doesn’t have one’. ‘Yes Daddy has a willy too, that’s because he’s a boy like you’ and on it goes. Up until last year, unbeknownst to me, Mr 6 believed that everyone was just born with a penis and when a girl became a woman it dropped off. That was an interesting conversation to have in a shopping centre toilet!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. OH yes!!!! I so agree. I have had this conversation with my son too. He just doesn’t understand how girls and boys have to be different ‘down there’. I cracked up when I read this conversation was in a public toilet :). Funny!

      Like

  6. Love this so much!!! Especially number 1 – I cannot believe how many times my son can poo in a day! Not been fun as I’ve a broken ankle and we’ve only got an upstairs loo!!! Argh!!! 😜xxx

    Liked by 1 person

      1. In the beginning it was nightmare – my poor hubby had to do everything for nearly 3 weeks – then I got a walking/moon boot and gradually got some independence back and now I’m slowly weaning off the boot and trying to regain all the motion in my ankle! It’s all fun and games! 😜
        So true it never end! πŸ˜‚ also, why do the kids always suddenly need the loo when I’m in there but never when it’s daddy!?! πŸ€”xxx

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Your hubby had to do everything?? That sounds like heaven to me ;). No, I understand. It’s horrible to lose your independence. Glad your back on your feet – sort of.
        I’m not sure why the kids do that. I think it’s because they know we are there most times, so they ask for us more? I dunno. I’m guessing here.

        Liked by 1 person

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