DAMN YOU EASTER BUNNY

Yes you heard me right! I said Damn You Easter Bunny!!!

Why am I going off at one of childhood’s greatest mythical superheros (second to Jimmy Giggle)?………Because he is making me fat.

I never asked for 435 easter eggs in my house, they just appeared one sunny Sunday morning. Apparently they were for my 2 year old, but we all know he can’t eat them all by himself. Mum and Dad (mainly Mum) now have to help out with this never ending easter egg flabby story!

Because there are so many chocolatey devil treats in the house now, I have no idea how to control my unhealthy chocolatey urges. This is totally not my fault though. I am 100% doing this for my child……he is allowed 1 – 2 eggs every now and then, Mummy is allowed 10 -12 eggs every 10 minutes. Matt is allowed 1 egg when I say. I am saving both of them from a life of obesity and pimples. But my hips are now suffering.

Yes, of course I could stash them away for a rainy day, or even throw them in the bin. But who am I kidding…that is what responsible parents do. I don’t think properly when chocolate is in the house. Stupid bloody Easter Bunny.

On a more serious note, as a parent, do you find that wherever we go today there is a presence of lollies, chocolate or something sugar filled?……..

We go to the dentist, and conveniently after they have scraped all the gunk off our teeth or filled those tiny holes, they offer our kids a sugar hit of lollipops…..definitely don’t want that filling to take thanks….they may go out of business.

Or the supermarkets fill the checkout counters with popping, sparkling, eye fizzing, heart palpitating shit! They need to put toilet paper and lettuce in those areas….all the stuff us adults forget when we go shopping. They would make a bloody fortune if they did that!

Even the service stations ask if you want to buy 10 chocolate bars for the price of one! No thanks love, I just came here to fill up my car. I can’t afford chocolate after you charged the freaking earth for my fuel.

I know it’s up to us parents to say no to sugar hits for our kids, and believe me, I do. It’s just a shame that everywhere we go these days revolves around sugar.

Reeve has been known to stand at cafe fridges and cry to the juice boxes. This is embarrassing, as I am not sure if he got it from me standing at our fridge and cry because there is no wine left….or just because I refuse to give him a juice.

Burn that chocolate off boys! Run faster dammit!!

I am a good Mother though as I make Reeve and Matt get their daily exercise by running around the park. Me on the other hand…..I prefer to take the photos of them running. I have to record the memories you know. Being a mother to a 2 year old that never stops moving, helps me to not put weight on easily. It’s one of my favourite diets…..the ‘I Haven’t Stopped Moving, Picking Shit Up, Forgot To Eat, Chasing My Kid Diet’.

So I am looking forward to those incredible looking wrapped eggs to disappear. I will do my best to get rid of them soon. I have resorted to standing at the fridge while the boys are in the other room, and shoving a whole egg in my mouth. Then destroy the sparkly wrapper evidence (it’s harder than you think when it sparkles). The things I do as a parent ha?

This is me eating chocolate…. Except – I have no makeup on; my hair is certainly not as manicured; I have chocolate all over my face; I am holding a 5 kilo Easter Bunny chocolate; and it’s not actually me.

Thank God Reeve is at an age where he doesn’t notice his chocolate treasure getting lower by the day. In a couple of years all my problems of eating his stash will be resolved when he is able to count and mark off how many eggs he has eaten.

I know all us parents do our part for our kids:……….

• Eating their chocolate with our head in the fridge, all the while pretending we are looking for the broccoli in the very back;
• Eating their lollies outside pretending to water the garden;
• Eating anything awesome in the fridge at 2am in the morning…..when else can we do it without kids hassling us?

So, as I said at the start…..DAMN YOU EASTER BUNNY!….but I secretly love you and can’t wait until you visit next year….you rock my world :). I don’t have to wait long really…..your chocolatey produce will be on the shelves early January 2016…..maybe even Christmas Eve this year – you seem to get it out earlier every year.

If you have the same problem as me….eating your kids chocolate just because you have to as a good parent…then let me know. I would like to hear your comments below :).

Love (as Reeve says),

xxoo

p.s. The other day Reeve found some sparkly easter egg wrapper in my car. He looked at me with a puzzled look and said ‘Mummy, Wow (his words for a treat)?’. I quickly resolved this awkward situation by giving him another easter egg (but only a little one), and I gave me another 10 eggs (but only the larger sized ones).