THE PMS MOMENTS IN A THREE YEAR OLD’S HEAD

Three year old’s. Wow. Can’t they all go ‘premenstrual syndrome’ on you without warning.

Don’t answer that. It’s a rhetorical question. And I don’t want to hear if you have a perfect three year old. Because, there’s no such thing. Just like unicorns, and uninterrupted phone calls while your child patiently waits.

When in my threenager’s company, I rarely go more than several minutes without encountering his five thousand emotions. Sometimes, all at once. Sometimes only 3879 at one time. But mostly, I see them all jump down my throat if I have apparently given him the wrong carrot. “NOT THAT ONE MUMMA! THE BIGGGG ONE!! I WANNNTTT THE BIGGGG CARRROTTTTTT! WAHHHHHHHHHHH.”

Shit.

All of his “emotions” don’t last long. Like, maybe five seconds. But some can last longer. Like, maybe all afternoon while Mummy counts down the seconds until Daddy walks in the door.

 

  1. I’m hungry.
  2. I’m not hungry for that.
  3. Can you lay with me.
  4. Not that close.
  5. Don’t touch me.
  6. Can I have a cuddle?
  7. I wanna watch a show.
  8. Can you read me a story?
  9. I wanna show and story at the same time.
  10. Where’s my Father?
  11. I’m soooo tired.
  12. I wanna sleep. NOW!
  13. I don’t wanna nap! Stop asking me if I’m tired.
  14. Can I ride my bike?
  15. I’m done now.
  16. I want to ride my scooter.
  17. Done now.
  18. Where’s my bike?
  19. Let’s drive to the shops.
  20. I wanna GET OUT of the car!!
  21. I don’t want to get out of the car.
  22. My shoes are too tight.
  23. Can I drive?
  24. SO HUNGRY! GIVE ME FOOD.
  25. Not that.
  26. Have you got a wow?
  27. Can you carry me?
  28. I’m tired.
  29. I wanna run.
  30. Did you bring my scooter?
  31. Can I touch this man?
  32. I WANNA TOUCH THE MAN.
  33. I love Peppa Pig.
  34. Where’s Spiderman?
  35. I don’t like Peppa Pig.
  36. Can I play a game on your phone?
  37. You wanna get me some food?
  38. Let’s call Daddy.
  39. Is Daddy home?
  40. I just want to hang out in my jocks.
  41. I’m cold.
  42. It’s so HOT in here!
  43. You want to play in my room?
  44. Let’s play outside.
  45. WHERE’S MY FOOOOOOD?
  46. I don’t want this food.
  47. Where’s my Spiderman cape?
  48. Where’s my Superman cape?
  49. Where’s my Batman cape?
  50. Take these capes off me.
  51. WHAT’S THAT NOISE?
  52. Can we get a cat?
  53. I need to go wees!
  54. No I don’t.
  55. I hurt my toe. Can I have a bandaid?
  56. EEEK! GET THE BANDAID OFF!
  57. Can I have another bandaid?
  58. I love you Mummy.
  59. Let’s fight!
  60. Is this real cheese?
  61. My hand is hungry.
  62. Can I have a cuddle?
  63. GO AWAY, you smell funny!
  64. I just want to love you.
  65. HOLD MY HAND!
  66. Can you put my dinosaur shorts on?
  67. Look at me doing this scooter trick.
  68. STOP LOOKING AT ME!
  69. Stay here for a second.
  70. MUMM!! COME HERE!!

And so on and so forth.

I walk away amused, shocked, frazzled, a bit loved, brimming with confusion and feeling slightly hungover. And I haven’t even had a drink yet.

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