Yesterday, I had a rare treat and went grocery shopping by myself. Wow. I never thought in my life that grocery shopping would be a luxury. But yes, as a parent, it has come to that.
In this very rare ‘holiday’ of mine, I got to breathe slowly!! In through my nose, out through my mouth, and everything! Like a normal person!! I never once had to yell at my offspring to STOP TOUCHING STUFF! I didn’t have to grab snacks from my handbag for him. I didn’t even have to power walk through the supermarket so I could just get the hell out of there before he would get bored with this adventure and completely lose it.
Because………………………he wasn’t there!!!
It was just me, myself and the stupid broken trolley.
So awesome. And no, I am not being sarcastic. It truly was a mini-break.
I was able to ramble through the aisles (sideways, because of the bastard trolley) and slowly take (not grab rampantly) items off the shelf. It was lovely.
Because of the relaxation of it all, I actually had time to peek at other people’s groceries in their trolleys. It actually feels like a bit of an intrusion when you look at other people’s choices, don’t you think? As we all know, people can get a bit Judgey McJudge on grocery options….
Trolley Items: Chips, soft drink, chocolate, ice-cream, tissues.
Judgey McJudge says: “Someone just got dumped”.
Trolley Items: 28 bottles of UHT milk.
Judgey McJudge says: “Camping for seven weeks, or running from the law”.
Trolley Items: Pizza pockets, dorito chips, soft drink, 8 bbq chickens, Happy Gilmore DVD.
Judgey McJudge says: “Someone is stoned”.
Trolley Items: Tofu, bean shoots, and almond milk.
Judgey McJudge says: “Latest season of The Biggest Loser has just started”.
Trolley Items: Random items that just make no sense at all.
Judgey McJudge says: “Someone forgot to bring their shopping list”.
As I looked around at the choices my fellow shoppers were grabbing, I took a look down at my own trolley. I know groceries can say a lot about someone, so I made my own judgment on what items I chose…….
- Bananas. Too green to eat now. Too ripe to eat in a few days. These will be made into banana bread and sit in the freezer next to the other 5 loaves.
- Quinoa. My ‘I’m-so-healthy-right-now-but-not-tomorrow’ token purchase. It will never be opened. It will just sit in the dungeon part of the pantry along with the red quinoa, black chia seeds, and organic potato flour.
- Disinfectant. My kid is a male. He is toilet training. This item will be on my shopping list every week, for the next ten years.
- Raspberries. The most expensive and shortest shelf life item in the world. These insanely overpriced berries will be eaten on my way home, in the car. There is no way in the world that my payment of $8.99 a punnet will die in vain.
- Chocolate. It’s been a hard week.
- Frozen Pizza. For that ‘I-can’t-be-arsed-cooking-day’.
- Toilet Rolls. In packs of 20. See ‘Disinfectant’ point above.
- Batteries. For the movement of my kids toys. I call bullshit on the guarantee of ‘3 year lifelong’ tagline. More like, ‘3 minutes in your kids remote control car before we die immediately, your kid screams, and you will be hunting us arseholes down in the shops again’.
- Bread. Bread. And more bread. For those days when toast just has to cut it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
- Wine. It’s been a bloody hard week.
- Room Deodoriser. I live with two males. Also see ‘Disinfectant’ and ‘Toilet Paper’ points above.
- Butter and Vegemite. To keep those toast days a bit more interesting. Yep, variety is my middle name.
- Can of Chickpeas. You can never have enough cans of chickpeas. I have a collection in my pantry. I think I am up to 16 now.
- Coffee. To keep me alive.
- More Wine and Chocolate. Because. Shutup, I go to the gym. Sometimes.
Do you have a standard shopping item that’s always in your trolley? Are you a Judgey McJudge person when it comes to other people’s items?
xxoo
p.s. I actually saw someone have SPAM in their trolley too!! What??!! Who even buys that stuff anymore? If you do, please explain to me all your reasons why you aren’t a weirdo.
Linking up with Essentially Jess for #IBOT
Ewwww I didn’t know you could even still buy Spam!
My grocery staples are almond milk, oat milk, cow’s milk (2 types) and coffee pods. Every person in my house drinks a different kind of milk. FFS.
Soon to add disinfectant and extra TP to the list for starting toilet training!
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It’s very wrong. It should be illegal to sell that stuff. Ham in a can? No thanks.
Of course everyone in your house drinks a different type of milk. They all like to make it difficult for us shoppers, don’t they?!
Yep. You are going to need litres of disinfectant. Good luck!
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Coffee is always number one in my trolley. 6 loaves of bread is pretty standard, snack chips, biscuits (I swear I bred two cookie monsters) and yoghurt. I try to avoid buying chocolate and wine or I’ll just get drunk and eat it all at once and that wouldn’t be pretty!
PS: What do you plan to do with all those chick peas?!
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Yoghurt is always on my list too. We go through so much of it. Umm, isn’t that the point of getting wine and chocolate? To eat it all and get drunk?
I have no idea what I will do with the chickpeas yet. Maybe something with craft? Ewww. No. Maybe I will use them when I am having one of those health crazes I go through.
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Yes, I guess that is the point! Silly me! 😉
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Gotta have soda water and its not for drinking unless there is a little vodka and lemon juice in it.
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I like you. You sound like my kinda chick. Yep, I always have mineral water in my trolley. Goes down even better with vodka, as you said 🙂
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Ha ha love it ! The other day while shopping with the kids Luke 6, asked for a mud cake you know the $4.50 one, being a “cake decorator” I ever so carefully made sure no one was watching and swiftly placed it in the basket! I think I got away with it safely without running into any customers!! 😜
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Shock! Horror!! I can’t believe a professional cake lady just bought one of those mudcakes! I’m telling everyone Skye. They are pretty awesome though 🙂
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This post is hilarious! I am totally and a more often than not a ‘random stuff in my trolley’ mama…especially on the rare occasion I don’t have the two kids with me. I get all kinds of excited and shove whatever I want in xoxo p.s. Yeah…spam?! why does that still exist?!!! xoxo #TwinklyTuesday
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We get a bit excited and don’t think straight when we don’t have our kids with us. So, I get you :). I think I shop more efficiently when I have my child with me!! That doesn’t sound like it makes sense, but it is true.
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When I go child-free grocery shopping I make sure I head to a store that has the built in Coffee holder on the shopping trolley. Coffee + Shopping Alone = Bliss
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Oh Wow!! I have heard of these wonderous inventions, but I am yet to see them in stores. I would grocery shop for freaking hours if my trolley had one of these!
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Haha I love this post! I barely do a big shop because we love right next door to a Sainsbury’s and I’ve got into the habit of doing a small daily shop so I’m totally random with what’s in my basket x #twinklytuesday
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Oh you are a bit lucky! I would do the same if I lived right next door to a grocery store. I always forget something when I go shopping! Always! And I take a list most times, so god knows how I forget something. Would be handy to have a shop next to me for all the forgotten items.
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Milk – always milk, I swear I should just buy a damn cow!
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Of course. Milk is like water to all parents. We go through so much of it here! Buying a cow is not such a bad idea you know. Except for the whole milking it part. That part would be a bit crappo.
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I love it. I have never thought to look at other peoples shopping before now, but I think you have just invented a fantastic new game. #TwinklyTuesday
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Really?? I must be super nosey then. I always have done it. But it gets super awkward if the person catches you looking at their items. You can learn a lot from a person and their grocery items :). Do it next time you go to the supermarket!
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Hahahaha oh god I love this. We have the same trolley! I have stupid quinoa in the pantry (never used), frozen bananas (for banana bread I’m baking TOMORROW) and about 57 cans of chickpeas (which I am trying to use up by making healthy ‘felafel fingers’ for Charlie, who never eats them anyway). We also eat FAR TOO MUCH vegemite toast around here 🙂 PS Also a surreptitious trolley stickybeak, but I AM a journo, it’s my JOB to be nosy :))
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Well you beat me on the chickpea count! I use them for salads every now and then. They are a pretty boring ingredient if you think about it. No idea why I collect these things. And yes, I know you are a vegemite toast freak! Me too 🙂
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Thanks for the belly laugh. Although the trolley you thought belonged to a stoner, could just be a family with teenagers – except for the Happy Gilmore DVD!
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haha! Yep, it sure could have been teenagers too.
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Hahaha! Love this post. My trolley is full of lollies. This says that I quit chocolate almost a year ago, but damned if I’m going to let that fact stop me from going on a sugar high! We ALWAYS have six litres of milk in the trolley. It probably makes us look like an efficient once-a-week shopping family, but that’s only two days’ supply. Three, max. We LUURRRVE milk.
#teamIBOT
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At least you are doing the real thing! Not UHT milk! That stuff is weird. Good for you on the chocolate quitting thing! And good for you on the lolly thing too ;).
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Haha Im also a total Judgey McJudge when I go shopping! If someone looked in my trolley today they’d be mighty confused! Its my daughters bday party on Saturday and I picked up all the last minute things I needed… oranges, cream, cheese slices (the gross cheap kind but stick the bread together well for little kids), yogurt, chocolate, lolly snakes.. the list goes on, people probably wondered where I put all that food given I’m not that big lol
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That doesn’t sound that bad! I have seen worse anyway :). Happy Birthday to your little girl. xo
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Our trolley just screams family of boys who eat a lot! In fact, even those supermarket offers assume we’re a huge family who buy copious amounts of food.
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Yes, boys will do that. My son eats me out of the house now! Can’t imagine what he is going to be like when he is 14!!
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There is always wine and coffee. If there is no wine and coffee then be afraid! It means that I will be even more cranky than usual! #twinklytuesday
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Those are two very important items!! I agree with you 🙂
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Ha ha. I love this! Usually I have two little boys wreaking havoc when I go shopping, but I do love to sticky beak at other people’s items at the checkout. You can always tell when someone has a baby at home, or is having a bbq or a party!
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Nothing wrong with a good sticky beak :). It certainly does tell you a lot about someone.
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Hi, ive just nominated you in my blogger recognition award post http://wp.me/p6qaxF-jL
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Wow!! Thanks so much. I am flattered 🙂
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Your most welcome Xx
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They still sell Spam?! My trolley always has antibac wipes (house of boys), multiple loaves of bread (some days we go through an entire loaf in one day), so much milk, about 20 bananas (which will be eaten in three days), chocolate and wine (no need to give explanation there), and coffee! I love food shopping by myself too 🙂
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Yep, apparently they do. Although, I am sure they never sell out of the stuff. Yucko! Wow, you certainly sound like you do go through a bit of milk and bread, and bananas!
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I did the food shopping two days ago, and we’ve already gone through nearly 5 litres of milk! I should live on a dairy farm!
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That’s a shitload of milk!
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Hilarious! And yes, grocery shopping alone is the pinnacle of luxury in my life. I believe I get to do it again in July. Thanks for being such a wonderful part of #TwinklyTuesday.
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haha! July!! Yeah that’s probably the time I get to do it alone again next too :). Thanks for hosting 🙂
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