Yesterday, I had a rare treat and went grocery shopping by myself. Wow. I never thought in my life that grocery shopping would be a luxury. But yes, as a parent, it has come to that.
In this very rare ‘holiday’ of mine, I got to breathe slowly!! In through my nose, out through my mouth, and everything! Like a normal person!! I never once had to yell at my offspring to STOP TOUCHING STUFF! I didn’t have to grab snacks from my handbag for him. I didn’t even have to power walk through the supermarket so I could just get the hell out of there before he would get bored with this adventure and completely lose it.
Because………………………he wasn’t there!!!
It was just me, myself and the stupid broken trolley.
So awesome. And no, I am not being sarcastic. It truly was a mini-break.
I was able to ramble through the aisles (sideways, because of the bastard trolley) and slowly take (not grab rampantly) items off the shelf. It was lovely.
Because of the relaxation of it all, I actually had time to peek at other people’s groceries in their trolleys. It actually feels like a bit of an intrusion when you look at other people’s choices, don’t you think? As we all know, people can get a bit Judgey McJudge on grocery options….
Trolley Items: Chips, soft drink, chocolate, ice-cream, tissues.
Judgey McJudge says: “Someone just got dumped”.
Trolley Items: 28 bottles of UHT milk.
Judgey McJudge says: “Camping for seven weeks, or running from the law”.
Trolley Items: Pizza pockets, dorito chips, soft drink, 8 bbq chickens, Happy Gilmore DVD.
Judgey McJudge says: “Someone is stoned”.
Trolley Items: Tofu, bean shoots, and almond milk.
Judgey McJudge says: “Latest season of The Biggest Loser has just started”.
Trolley Items: Random items that just make no sense at all.
Judgey McJudge says: “Someone forgot to bring their shopping list”.
As I looked around at the choices my fellow shoppers were grabbing, I took a look down at my own trolley. I know groceries can say a lot about someone, so I made my own judgment on what items I chose…….
- Bananas. Too green to eat now. Too ripe to eat in a few days. These will be made into banana bread and sit in the freezer next to the other 5 loaves.
- Quinoa. My ‘I’m-so-healthy-right-now-but-not-tomorrow’ token purchase. It will never be opened. It will just sit in the dungeon part of the pantry along with the red quinoa, black chia seeds, and organic potato flour.
- Disinfectant. My kid is a male. He is toilet training. This item will be on my shopping list every week, for the next ten years.
- Raspberries. The most expensive and shortest shelf life item in the world. These insanely overpriced berries will be eaten on my way home, in the car. There is no way in the world that my payment of $8.99 a punnet will die in vain.
- Chocolate. It’s been a hard week.
- Frozen Pizza. For that ‘I-can’t-be-arsed-cooking-day’.
- Toilet Rolls. In packs of 20. See ‘Disinfectant’ point above.
- Batteries. For the movement of my kids toys. I call bullshit on the guarantee of ‘3 year lifelong’ tagline. More like, ‘3 minutes in your kids remote control car before we die immediately, your kid screams, and you will be hunting us arseholes down in the shops again’.
- Bread. Bread. And more bread. For those days when toast just has to cut it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
- Wine. It’s been a bloody hard week.
- Room Deodoriser. I live with two males. Also see ‘Disinfectant’ and ‘Toilet Paper’ points above.
- Butter and Vegemite. To keep those toast days a bit more interesting. Yep, variety is my middle name.
- Can of Chickpeas. You can never have enough cans of chickpeas. I have a collection in my pantry. I think I am up to 16 now.
- Coffee. To keep me alive.
- More Wine and Chocolate. Because. Shutup, I go to the gym. Sometimes.
Do you have a standard shopping item that’s always in your trolley? Are you a Judgey McJudge person when it comes to other people’s items?
p.s. I actually saw someone have SPAM in their trolley too!! What??!! Who even buys that stuff anymore? If you do, please explain to me all your reasons why you aren’t a weirdo.
Linking up with Essentially Jess for #IBOT