“Shit!!! That is a big plane!”
Said my very young and innocent son. Unfortunately, in the very silent and packed full of people waiting room.
As he looked out the window and up into the gracious blue sky, the words came spewing out of my 2½ year olds mouth like he was all hip-hop gangsta. Like he had lived on this earth for twenty or so years. Like he was copying one of his very important adult figures in his life…..*gasp*. Oh. No.
And this isn’t his first time at swearing. It has happened
eighteen three times before.
My bad. It’s my fault. I’m the bad Mother. Hand is up. Pick me. I’m to blame.
Now, please don’t start ranting that I am an awful parent and that my child shouldn’t be swearing. Of course he shouldn’t be. I just confessed above that I am the shitty-swear-too-much-parent (there I go again).
But maybe his Daddy is to blame?
Chances are……probably not.
When I was young, people didn’t swear. My Mum never swore. The neighbours didn’t swear. It was just one big unsweary world. Happy days.
So it is a bit of a shame that this generation of parents do swear too often. Swearing has become part of our normal vocabulary, and it
probably isn’t the best behaviour. But I suppose generations evolve and things become more complacent and lax as time goes on.
I wouldn’t think I was a ‘junk yard mouth’ kind of gal, but I do use the handy word of SHIT when it’s necessary…..
“SHIT! That hurt!”
“Are you shitting me?”
“SHIT! THERE IS SHIT EVERYWHERE!!!”
And so on, and so forth.
The word Shit, is probably my fave of all the frowned upon words. It just works with my life. It flows freely from my lips when I need it. When I stub my toe on the coffee table ‘Whoops’ just doesn’t cut it.
So yes. I sure do need to cut down on the old sweary swears.
Whenever my son is in hearing radius though, I do try to whisper my ‘Shits’. Or swap it for another word. Or at least swallow back the last couple of letters……
“Shizenhousen!”. That one is if I am feeling a bit German on the day.
No excuses though. I will try to do something about my bad habit. I have actually come up with a sort of solution to deflect my swearing…..
I am going to CHANGE UP THE SWEARING by using the names of fruit, instead of the trusty swear words.
Ta-dah!!! Yep. I’m going to try anyway.
Below are some examples that I think will work well. If I use them with the right amount of sweary feeling…..I think I may just pull this off.
“Are you graping me? You have to be watermelon crazy if you think I am going to do that mango!”
“BANANA! BANANA! BANANA! I can’t believe that just STRAWBERRY happened!”
“Ahahaha!!! You’re so kiwifuiting crazy.”
“Is that the appling time??!! I am going to be soooo mother-oranging late!”
“I’m so pineappling tired.”
“Why are blueberries so blueberry expensive these days??”.
“Cherry. So very. bloody. cherry.”
Is bloody even a swear word anymore?
Sooooo. What you think? Do you reckon I can pull it off? I will either change the world with my new swearing ways, or be written about in Crazy Mothers Magazine.
For all you swearers out there, try it out for yourself. If you put the right amount of effort and tone of voice into it, it can still work.
Or maybe you can just stop swearing – cold turkey. Hard task, I know.
At least once my spongey son starts copying me with my new take on swearing, he won’t get frowned upon. Maybe everyone will just think he just has an anger issue with fruit.
I’m cool with that.
Please tell me you have had a swearing scenario with your children too? In proper context and everything? Do you think I can pull of this fruity swearing challenge? Are you up for the challenge too? Please let me know in my Comments below.
p.s. Swearing is only going to change for me in real life though. I am still going to swear in my blog posts. Because, therapy and all.