SMALL LIFE LESSONS FOR WHEN YOU GROW UP

Every day my son grows that little bit taller. That little bit more aware of his vocabulary. That little bit more clever in his actions.

With every tiny change, he gets that little bit more adult (with a side of sensibility). I can blink, and I swear he has grown another inch.

His ‘grown-upness’ is putting me in my place. He only said to me the other day, while I was rushing around to get stuff organised and get out of the house, “It’s okay Mum. Don’t rush. I have my water bottle and my ball.”

??????

As my jaw dragged on the floor on the way to the car, he swiftly got into his carseat and waited for me to buckle him up. I was truly expecting him to just start the car, tip his hat, wave goodbye to me, and drive off into the sunset.

And then I realised.

The innocence of ‘babyness’ about him, has gone forever. Gone like the wind. Gone like Zayne from 1D. Gone like my youthful breasts. Gone like my nightlife.

Just. Gone. *sob*

I think it happened somewhere in between him quitting drinking from bottles (I’m talking milk, people), and him deciding to call me, ‘Mummy Kelly’.

95cms on the measuring chart. Nearly as tall as a baby elephant. Shit.

My baby has left the house. And in has entered…….a boy who has opinions, argumentative behaviour, empathetic-like behaviour (usually when I scream at the coffee table for stubbing my toe…again), and overuses the phrase……..’Because, I don’t want to’.

I suppose at least he still believes me when I tell him that the Bob The Builder kids rides in shopping centres don’t work. No sorry Reeve. They are broken. Again. They certainly don’t make things like they used to.

At least I can still use that old swifty.

But it also makes me happy that he is growing up into this beautiful little person. I know he is going to be a great little human. Well, actually, he already is. But I do know he is going to make the best of his life.

Knowing that my little chubba bubba doesn’t need to rely me as much, I get sad. Then I get happy. Then a bit confused. Then tired. Then happy. Then a bit hungry. Then I cry. Then I’m thirsty. Then I get sad again. Then I have to lie down. And then I am okay.

Seeing him grow up in front of my eyes, I thought it was best to write down some small life lessons for when he does actually have to leave and become a man….start a life on his own…..be his own person…..*sobs hysterically*

I am only going to give him advice on the smaller stuff for now. The bigger stuff can be dealt down the track, with Google. I will hand these ‘notes’ to my son when he decides to leave the nest……….

Handyman around the house:

This is going to happen at one time or another. A tap will leak. A light bulb will need to be changed. Fences need to be painted. Stuff just needs to be fixed. Constantly. Or at least noticed, so you can push it aside and deal with it in another six months.

Safety helmets are optional in deck fixing.

Now, if you are like your Father in this department, you are going to struggle. BUT, if you are like your Mother (me) in this area, you are going to WIN, WIN, WIN.

Take some advice – If you have to call an electrician because one of the lights outside isn’t working, please please make sure you check the light bulb first. It’s quite embarrassing to call out a tradie to change a light bulb. It looks very, very pretentious, and just downright stupid.

This may or may not have happened to your Father once (it happened).

All I am saying is, just learn the basics of handimandiness (new word for the dictionary). I will have to teach you though. Your Daddy is, let’s just say, unhandimandy (shit, I am brilliant at creating words).

What do you want to be when you grow up saga:

You are going to be asked this lots. Probably around 1786 times a day. Especially from judging strangers and nosey relatives. It’s shit. But apparently everyone wants to know.

If you want to be Batman. Be Batman. If you want to be a crazy dancing machine. Be a backup dancer for Taylor Swift. If you want to be a computer geek. Be Bill Gates. If you want to be a professional wrestler. Be a really good actor.

Even Batman needs to brush his teeth, you know?

Don’t worry about giving the public an answer. Stuff them. Just think about it for awhile and do what you love. Whatever you are good at and enjoy, just do that. But if you think you are good at watching TV, eating crap and not doing your part for the community……you will be getting a very big kick in the arse from your Father and me.

Dealing With Females:

Ooooh, this is a tricky one. I’m female, and even I think we can be really hard to handle and understand. All I can say is, we are 99% right. The other 1% when we aren’t right, just shutup and don’t say anything. Our wrath will be unleashed if you tell us we are wrong.

We can be pretty cool most times, but you just have to stay on the ‘right’ side of us. Don’t try and work us out though, we are freaking ridiculous most times.

Social Skills:

Shake hands. Look people in the eye when you talk to them. Don’t judge too quickly. Listen well. Be kind. Speak your mind, but don’t go all Kanye on the world. Return texts and phone calls. Smile often. Don’t ignore problems. And just be yourself.

You will learn more skills as you grow, but in the end, just don’t be a dickhead. Be a good person.

Also, don’t be Ralph from The Simpsons. You will struggle in life if you have his social skills.

Look after something:

Be it a pet. A plant. Or a homeless person. Stuff like that is good for the soul. It makes you more human. Take a step back sometimes and realise there are other living things in the world that need love and help.

Some other miscellaneous stuff:

• When you didn’t hear what the person said after the third time, don’t ask them to repeat it. Just nod your head and shake it at the same time (a skill in itself), then quickly walk away. It can get a bit awkward if you ask Pardon? for the third time.

• Exercise and eat well. It helps with the whole weight thing, but it does make you feel good too.

• Talk to your parents. Lots. Don’t forget about us. I don’t expect calls every day, but I do expect contact from you. I know you have your own life to lead, but we are always here to help. Just don’t ring us all drunkity drunk at 2am after a big night out. Unless you are in trouble. But if it’s just for a drunk chat, I would rather hear about it at a reasonable hour thanks.

If you are too embarrassed to ask your parents stuff, just Google it. Google knows EVERYTHING. Things like ‘How to Give a Pet Rock a Funeral’, all the way to ‘How to Hypnotize a Chicken’. If you really feel the need to go down those roads.

Have fun in life my lovely boy. Life lessons will be learnt along the way, but hopefully these small ones I have mentioned will give you a head start.

Any other Small Life Lessons for our young kids that you would like to share? Funny or serious, they are all important :). Let me know in the Comments section below.

Love (as Reeve says),

xxoo

p.s. I’m sad just thinking my boy has to grow up. I am getting a bit tired and thirsty thinking about it actually. I might go have a lie down to recoup.