WHEN PARENTING IS THE SAME AS A BIG WHITE DRAGON. SORT OF.

Remember that movie Never Ending Story? You must?

A 1984 children’s movie. Really bad visual effects. Extremely depressing in most scenes – a horse dies in mud; their world is blowing up rock by rock; kids are bullied; turtles are depressed out of their minds; wolves are hunting little boys down; rock biters have given up on life; and a princess needs a new name or EVERYONE DIES!

Such a lovely storyline.

Remember the song? The song you can never get out of your head?……

“Neverending Storrrrr-yyyyyyy! Ahh-aa-ahh! Ahh-aa-ahh! Ahh-aa-ahhhhhh!”

Do you know how bloody hard it is to write something that should be sung?

I tried anyway.

If you loved that movie as a child, just like me, you may notice some similarities in parenting to the actual characters in the movie.

Let me explain……..

Atreyu, the Quest Taker*

This innocent person so bravely takes on the QUEST of saving the world. He put his hand up, and said, Yes, I can do this shit. No problemo. Move aside weirdos and people that judge. I will take on this quest.

Atreyu in the parenting world……

How couples say the same (taking on the Quest) about raising a child. They find out they are pregnant, or plan to start a family, and they shout out –

I can do this! And we will do it our own way.

And this will be a breeze.

No one will get in our way.

My kid will only eat healthy organic stuff, and never sleep in our bed!

This child will be brought up how we want, and we will change the future of parenting!

So, so naive Atreyu. You are in for a big screwed up surprise, kid. Because, as well know, parenting/quest taking is not always the ‘easy-ride’ we may think it is.

Atreyu also likes to SCREAM A LOT IN THIS MOVIE! Sort of like how us parents HAVE TO SCREAM OUR LINES TO THE CHILDREN IN THE FAMILY!!

Just so they take notice, and don’t jump off high places and break their heads.

*I always thought this guy was a chick. Honestly, if you see that radiant smile, and watch that swish of luscious hair, you would swear a girl. But then again, I do have problems with recognising genders (see my gender confusion in toys here).

Bastian Balthazar Bux, the book reader

The kid that is bullied, steals books, hallucinates that characters are coming to life, and no one can understand him when he has to shout out a very important name into a horrendous storm.

What Bastian?? Speak more clearly! I never could work out the name he shouted into the storm.

Margaret? Mahatma? Mohito? Margarita? Mother F**cker?

Can you believe he is supposed to be screaming out Moonchild? Yes, because that was number three in the top names of the Mothers in the eighties. Of course.

Well looks like your Mum took her revenge back on you. Who would call their kid Bastian Balthazar Bux?

A chick named Moonchild. That’s who.

Bastian in the parenting world……

The bullies in the parenting world, are usually everyone else around us. You know, like the public? The ones that remind us to not give your kid solids before the age of six months.

They know whats best for your child.

Not you. No.

You are just the stupid parent that only created this human. The public are the ones that don’t yet have kids, but no the absolute everything about parenting. So you better be bullied into listening to them! Right??!!

Parenting also comes with borrowing books, or stealing them from your friends, just so you know what the hell you are doing. Save Our Sleep. What To Expect When You Are Expecting. Parenting For Dummies. Books that will contradict themselves a thousand times.

Information that will have us pulling our hair because your kid will just not ‘follow the rules’, according to Tizzy Hall.

No Tizzy! You listen to me!! My six month old refuses to sleep that long during the day! Where are you getting these kids you do case studies on?? Are they even human?

And who as a parent, has never had those moments when you speak but a completely different word or sentence comes out of your mouth? You were supposed to say……

Can you please get the milk out of the fridge?,

not

Can the milk go outside, and put the cat in the bin, pumpkin, bread, radio?

Yes. My mouth moves to say something sensible, but my brain goes into a weird place and something completely different comes out. That’s what kids do to your brain.

They fry it.

I am Bastian most days. Especially the part when you can’t understand what I am saying. That’s me.

Falkor, the luck dragon

A freaky looking big white dog dragon thingy. Who is somehow cute but at the same time, scary as shit! He is our friend though. Or Atreyu’s friend anyway. A big happy laughing dragon friend.

Falkor in the parenting world is……

Sleep. Wine. ‘Me’ Time. Quiet. Laughter. Looking Respectable. Sleep. And more wine.

He is our friend. A friend that takes us on wild ride (just speaking with the wine thing here), and we feel awesome. A friend that isn’t always around, but when he does show up, he is bloody cool.

Just give me that James Early Jonesy kind of laugh that he does, and I’m happy. But as long as you serve wine and a massage with the laugh.

That will make me very happy.

Morla, the allergy ridden turtle

Apparently the wisest in Fantasia. Also the most depressed. And most known to sneeze at anything, plus talk to herself. Morla sounds like she has the head cold from hell. That, and she just can’t give a flying shit about anything. She can’t stop sneezing and is fairly pissed off at life.

Morla in the parenting world is……

Gastro. Conjunctivitis. Spew. Poo. Wee. Colds. Tantrums. Hand, foot, mouth disease. Teething. Black eyes. Planking in carseats.

Anything that is crap.

I can relate Morla. I feel pretty crapola when I get sick too. A billion times crapola, is when you have a sick kid as well. Children seem to attract any germs, and then once those germs are loose in the house, well, good luck.

Sickness pre-children, was shit, but at least you could call in sick and just lay in bed all day. Sleep forever and wake up better the next day.

As a parent, a normal head cold takes four months to now get over. We don’t have time to sleep, rest or even put our feet up for five minutes! We have shit to do!! Also, our kids don’t seem to have any sympathy for our near exploding head. They would prefer to whinge and climb our legs.

And when my kid likes to test out his yoga positions and VERY LOUD SCREAMING, while I strap him in the car, well……………

I can sort of see where the turtle was coming from, when she announced that she was allergic to youth.

The childlike empress

The child with no name. The pretty little thing that has no imperfections; cries so beautifully; and speaks like an angel..

Childlike Empress in the parenting world is……

All the lovely things about parenting. The beautiful little smile you get from your son. The perfect behaviour you receive from your daughter, whilst in public. The cute little cuddles you get when they are sleepy. The I Love You’s you hear from their tiny mouths.

All the perfect childlike things that they do. You could sit and stare at them for ages. They are true perfection.

I haven’t watched this movie for so long, but I do always remember it. Parenting in itself is a full-on quest to take. It is super hard. Super frustrating. Super beautiful. And super fulfilling.

All the things a Quest should be.

Do you remember The Never Ending Story? Do any of the characters relate to your parenting? Please let me know in the Comments section.

Love (as Reeve says),

xxoo

p.s. Sorry for putting that never ending bloody song in your heads. It will drive you crazy by the end of the day. Did you know that the person singing this song is a guy?? I really honestly thought it was a female. Looks like I really do have a problem recognising genders. What the hell is wrong with me?

Linking up with Essentially Jess for #IBOT