I FREAK OUT AT FLYING

So Christmas holidays have been booked for us. The husband, child and myself have decided to go back to my hometown for a nice break.

But that means I have to step aboard a big arse metal thing that flies.

With a child.

Yes, Christmas is still a way off, but I am already freaking out a bit on the thought of the plane trip across. It will take two plane trips, a total of nearly seven hours, and a whole lot of snacks. Plus never ending amounts of Rescue Remedy (or wine), to take the edge off.

Reeve, my son, will be nearly three years old by the time we take this trip, but still not quite at an age where he just sit, relax and enjoy the scenery.

The other reason I am freaking out a touch craploads, is because I dread flying. Actually, dread may not be the correct word. I hyperventilate when I know I have to fly. I get all sweaty and terrified. My brain goes into overdrive and I start asking myself questions like….

How can a plane that is built of metal and cords and a whole lot of other really heavy shit, able to stay up in the sky? Apparently the aeronautical world have this under control (most of the time). But can I trust a couple of dudes that I have never met? Check that checklist twenty times please pilots. Make sure you are concentrating dammit!!!

This doesn’t seem right to me. Heavy metal staying afloat in the sky??

Will there be turbulence? Why is there turbulence? I am one of those passengers who feel a bump in the sky, and immediately look directly at the air hostesses. Are they freaking out? Is that a fake smile? Look into their eyes…..that way you will know the truth. The eyes never lie.

This can’t be professional!

Do I request a seat near the front of the plane, so I can maybe overhear the pilots work out their plan? Over the wing near the exits? Near the back where I have to endure the constant traffic of toilet goers??? Where is the safest position to sit, so I may just have the tiniest bit of survival. Can I request a parachute when I book my ticket? I am happy to pay. Just give me one!!!

When I had to fly to Las Vegas for my honeymoon a few years ago, I had to watch the seven part version of ‘Don’t Freak Out When You Fly – Here’s Why’, on Youtube. It helped a bit, but there’s nothing more terrifying that sitting in a plane flying across the ocean……in the dark…..knowing you are shitloads of kilometres directly north of actual land.

I suppose at least I will have my energetic son to keep me distracted. I may even welcome the full-on attitude and constant whinging (probably not though), to keep my mind off the fact that I am so FREAKING HIGH UP!

Of course it is a known fact that flying with children can also be terrifying. All that screaming, running amok and kicking the seats. That is something I am not looking forward to.

I admit my son is pretty well behaved, but a small confined space for a few hours is likely to drive him a bit insane. That is where the numerous amount of snacks come in. Food works every time. Well, 90% of the time. The other 10% is just improvisation.

Lucky the trusty husband is by my side to take some of the load off. If Reeve ‘plays up’, I will be mouthing to all the other passengers “I think it’s his child. Not mine.”

I did contemplate driving across instead of flying. But that would take four to five days. And I think that is a bit more terrifying. Stuck in a car with an energetic small person?

Hmmm, I will pass on that thanks.

So wish me luck. Actually, don’t. That means you think I will need it. Just send me wine and a whole lot of Rescue Remedy. I will be downing that stuff before I step afoot the big metal thing.

Are you scared of flying too? Is there any amazing facts about flying you can share with me? Please let me know in the Comments section so I can relax a bit.

Love (as Reeve says),

xxoo

p.s. Apologies in advance to all the passengers who I will be flying with too. There may be a lot of sweating (from me), loud talking (from all of us), and ridiculous questions to the air hostess (from me and the child).

Linking up with Essentially Jess for #IBOT