THE LETTER ‘C’ IS NASTY

I can think of a lot of SHIT words that start with the letter ‘C’. Just like these…..

• Cancer (the worst)
• Constipation (pardon the pun),
• Clive Palmer (crap politician)
• Creaky floor boards (yes, we all hate those bastards when we are creeping out of our sleeping kids room)
• the ‘C’ swear word (don’t use that word ever people! The worst word you can use),
• Cockroaches (ewwww!)
• Croup (scary shit)
• Conjunctivitis (ewwww x 1000!)

You suck because you start with the letter ‘C’. And also because you are filthy, disgusting insect.

It’s seems to me that when the alphabet was invented, the letter ‘C’ had the job of starting all the crappy words. I never liked the letter ‘C’ anyway. He sounds like a bit of a dick (see my past blog on my weird mind and the alphabet).

Obviously, there are two words that are an exception to this rule…..COFFEE and CHOCOLATE. Both those two inventions are what keep all us parents alive. So they are definitely ‘okay’ words to use. Oh, and the word, CHILDREN. I suppose they are fine too.

All those other awful ‘C’ words I used above, are definitely not being compared to each other, as some are heaps more serious than others. But up until recently, I had a 2 ½ year old with Croup and Conjunctivitis at the same time. Wahhhh!!

Those two ‘C’ words…..Croup and Conjunctivitis, can go jump in a river and swim to the end of the world. Then catch a rocket to Pluto and freeze their arses off, for all I care. Don’t come back you bastards!!! You don’t belong here!!

For anyone who has a child (or even had it themselves), that has had Croup…..it can be a bit scary. It sounds like a barking dog in the middle of the night, and you wake up and realise, “What the shit? I didn’t think I even owned a dog!”. But then you realise it’s your poor kid coughing, and trying to imitate a pack a day smoker. It’s not nice. Especially for the child at hand.

Then add in a mix of gunk, pink eye, and bacteria infested eyeballs on the poor kid, and you have……well, a barking, and kind of stoned looking child. Not cool. Quite a strange image actually.

Conjunctivitis, is a super crap thing to have (Google it if you don’t know what it is. But trust me, if you have kids, you will eventually find out). It reminds me of that annoying little person whom no one likes, that just hangs around. You know the one? The one that constantly says offensive and irritating jokes that make you just want to flick them to the other side of the world. The one that has no social skills and thinks it’s okay to knock on your door at 3:30am. The one that has horrible bad breath, eats all your food, and drinks all your wine. The one that just won’t PISS OFF!

That is Conjunctivitis.

A human version of Conjunctivitis. (Sorry Dwight from The Office)

The whole Croup thing, started when Reeve was around 12 months old, and it completely scared the shit out of us when it first happened. It happened in the middle of the night when he woke up ‘barking’. We resolved it easy enough with heaps of steamy steam in the bathroom, and heaps of cuddles. But it comes on and off for him, especially in the colder weather. That is why I hate winter, but that is another story.

This time, when Croup plonked himself on our couch, the stupid Conjunctivitis bastard decided he would stay at our house too. Conjuncty (I have said this word so much lately, I am allowed to abbreviate), is yucko. You need to clean the eyes all the time. Wash the hands a billion times a day. Plus put eye drops into a energetic kid that never stops moving. It’s a bit impossible.

Okay, so just hold real still while I put these acidic drops into your eyes. No. It won’t hurt. It will just burn the retina from your eye. Be brave.

Imagine trying to put eye drops in your toddlers eyes (four times a freaking day, I must tell you) and asking them to stay calm. You explain it will help them in the long run, and it will make the gunk go away. Yeah, that’s easy. Nope.

Then after the eyedrops, and throughout the whole day, I have to say to him, “Reeve. Don’t touch your eyes baby.”

It’s like saying to you………………..

“Do not. I repeat do not read the next word after the sentence finishes. The word that is in capitals. The one that is in red. Don’t read it. Okay?” SUCKER!

See, it’s hard huh?

Anywho, we finally got down to business and pushed these two effers out the door. Our kid is now gunk and bark free. Woohoo!!

Now time to wash everything, 100 times, in hot boiling water! My house will be bleached and conjuncty/croup free for a long time! Well, probably until next Winter. Winter, you also suck. But you are lucky you don’t start with the letter ‘C’. That is just a bad crowd to hang with.

If you understand where I am coming from because you or your kids have had either of these two bastard ‘C’ words, please let me know in the Comments section below. You can also post on my Facebook page. Please SHARE and LIKE if you do enjoy reading :). I am also on Twitter and Instagram if you really want to love me.

Love (as Reeve says),

xxoo

p.s. Reeve woke up this morning and I doubled checked his eyes for any slight hint of Conjunctivitis. There was the tiniest bit of sleep in his eyes, but I was all like, “OH, HELL NO CONJUNCTY!! YOU ARE NOT COMING BACK INTO OUR LIVES FOR A LOOOOOOONG TIME!”. Then I doused my poor kids in eyedrops, again. That will teach the gunky disease……I hope.

Linking up to the #IBOT party at Essentially Jess today!