I HAVE A BACKSEAT DRIVER

We all love how our kids say some hilarious things that just make us laugh until we feel like we are having a fit. But my kid has decided to shout out random things to me (or instructions), whilst I am driving. At first, I did laugh, but after he says these all the time now….I’m not laughing much anymore.

My son has lots to say all the time, but when we are in the car, he feels like it’s his priority to remind me how to drive. I must remind you he is 2 ½. Not an age where I thought he would have a right to tell me how to drive……

My kid has become one of those annoying bloody backseat drivers!

I started to list some of the things he has rudely reminded me, or just plain shouted out to me below. I put his words in capitals and bold, because he does scream these out from the backseat. So it was necessary to show you the urgency he feels……

SCENARIO 1

If I just happen to take one hand off the wheel to either change the radio station, tap my hand on my leg to an awesome song, or take a sip from my water bottle….my kid will rudely shout from the back…..

“TWO HANDS MUM!!! TWO HANDS ON THE WHEEELLL!!”

Shit!! Okay son. Calm the hell down! You would think I have just jumped out of the car door and left him with the car driving down the road.

“Righto Reeve! You do know that I was grabbing your water bottle?? The one you just screamed out for a billion times!”.

Don’t you bloody dare even think about taking a hand off the wheel, or my backseat driver will smack you one! (image from http://www.weekendnotes.com)

SCENARIO 2

When there is a few grey clouds appearing in the sky, or just when he sees another car with it’s lights on……

Him: “MUM!! HAVE YOU GOT LIGHTS ON?”
Me: “No babe. It’s fine”
Him: “NO MUM!! PUT LIGHTS ON. IT’S DARK. PUT LIGHTS ON!! PUTTTT LIGHTS ONNNNNN!”

For Christ’s Sake! Okay. Who are you? The lights police? He will remind me and ask me about the lights for the rest of the car trip now.

SCENARIO 3

A song will come on the radio, which I know he has never heard of before, and scream out…..

“OH MAN! I LOVE THIS SONG. TURN IT UP MUM! TURN IT UP!!”

Then he will try and sing along to the music, with head nodding, hand tapping on leg, and just emotion all over his face. You would think I had some 18 year old head banging raver in the back. Geez, I feel old when he knows the words to current music, and I don’t. He’s freaking 2 years old.

SCENARIO 4

All will be nice and quiet in the car one day. We are driving to the shops or just getting the hell out of the house, because I am going stir-crazy, and he will pipe up from the backseat……

Him: “MUM? YOU WATCHING THE ROAD?”
Me: “Yes Reeve. I am watching the road”
Him: “WHAT YOU WATCHING?? THE CARS??”
Me: “Yep”
Him: “WHICH CARS MUM?? WHICH ONES?”
Me: “All of them mate”
Him: “WATCH ALL OF THEM MUM! YOU WATCH THE ROAD MUM!!!!!!”

Aaarrggghhh!!!

How I think I look when my son questions my driving. (image from http://www.bettercities.net)

SCENARIO 5

If I am reversing out of our garage (my husband parks behind me, but to the side so I can get out) or just pulling out of a park somewhere, he will warn me about everything……

“WATCH DAD’S CAR MUM. WATCH IT. DON’T HIT IT MUM!! WATCH DAD’S CAR OKAY??!!”

or

“WATCH THAT CAR MUM! WATCH IT!!! WAAAATTTTCCCCHHHH IT!!!!!”

For eff’s sake child!! If I just happen to have an accident, I am going to blame it all on you and the freaking screaming stress that I had to put up with! Calm down!

No one can stand a backseat driver, let alone a miniature backseat driver. Sometimes I just feel like turning around and screaming, “Here! You drive if you think you’re so damn good”. That, right there would be something to see huh? The kid can probably drive better than me anyway…who knows? Relax people, I am not going to find out.

So, do your kids have the urge to shout out random things about your driving? Or are your kids just a bit more tactful? Please let me know in the Comments section below, and make me feel like I am not a shit driver.

You can also post on my Facebook page. Please SHARE and LIKE if you do enjoy reading :). I am also on Twitter and Instagram if you really want to love me.

Love (as Reeve says),

xxoo

p.s. I have another 14 or so years of this backseat driving crap. This kid won’t even need driving lessons before he goes for his licence! I could imagine him saying to the driving instructor, “I got this mate. Get out of the car and just hand me my licence now”.