Being a Mother to a 2 year old, I have started to remember some of the threatening phrases my Mum used to say to me when I was young.

I think most of us have come across some of the below. It’s funny looking back on them, because they sound so stupid now. But when you are a kid, they meant some serious shit.

To be honest, I have used a couple on Reeve. But I feel like a dick when I do. They just sound so corny. But they do actually work…..sometimes.

Here is a trip down memory lane for you……

Stop Carrying On Like A Pork Chop: This was my Mum’s favourite. She used this one all the time on me. Once I got a bit older, I used to challenge her with this favourite phrase of hers. I would ask real brat like, “How does a pork chop carry on Mum? I’m confused. Please explain it to me”.  I could see in her face as she turned the other way, thinking, ‘Shit. I have no idea. Why didn’t I do my research for this smartarse’.

Do You Want A Smack?: Aaahhh. The old question for something that is supposed to be threatening. “Yes please Mum. What an awesome idea”, kids would reply smartly back. Who thought of this stupid one?? Of course your kids are going to backchat you on this.

I’ll Give You Something To Cry About: No, don’t worry….. BECAUSE I’M ALREADY BLOODY CRYING AS YOU CAN SEE!! Not sure what this one was supposed to do. But I think it was a threat to make you really really cry. Just in case you weren’t crying enough.

Are You Sure You Want To Do That?: Ummm, well now I don’t know. I was going to because it looked like fun, but are you threatening me or encouraging me to do something better. Just tell me what you want woman!

I’ll Get The Wooden Spoon: This was the same as saying, “I’ll get the shotgun out, pump 5 rounds into the air, and scare the crap out of you”. I don’t know one kid that would play up after this phrase was screamed from the mouths of Mothers. The Wooden Spoon was a weapon to never cross, and still is the highest power to stop kids doing anything bad.

The mood killer to all things naughty.
The mood killer to all things naughty.

I Won’t Ask/Tell You Twice: Okay, so don’t. I’m cool with that.

If You Don’t Go To Sleep Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy Won’t Visit You: That’s the whole freaking reason I am staying awake silly!! I want to see if these people exist. You better not be lying to me. I am starting to have my suspicions that you want me to go to sleep, and let these weirdos creep into my room when I am so vulnerable.

Don't blame the kid.
Don’t blame the kid.

Goodnight, Sleep Tight, Don’t Let The Bed Bugs Bite: Never a good thing to say to a kid when you turn off the light, leave them in the dark, and close the door on them. It’s the same as saying “Good luck kid. Some bad arse things are going to bite you in your bed tonight. Will see you in the morning…..if you are still alive”.

So these are just a few that I remember. Writing them down makes me laugh, because I am an adult now. For kids, these phrases can scare the BeJesus out of you. If your kid is being a real arse, try some of these above. You can only hope for the best that they work.

If you have any others that you remember when you were a kid, please let me know on my Comments below or on my Facebook page. Let’s all go down on a scary reminder memory lane together.

Love (as Reeve says),


p.s. I still have a tingly feeling in my arse every time I get the wooden spoon out to cook. That freaking wooden thing has imprinted on my brain as one of the scariest things in the world. It’s like it looks at me and threatens me when I pick it up. I can never make eye contact with it.

Friday Frolics


  1. Carrying on like a pork chop? Haha, I think this one is the weirdest. Never uttered in my house. ‘Because I said so’ was a staple that I swore as a child I’d never say to my own kids.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It must be an Australian thing. It has no meaning really. Well maybe it does, but I don’t know what it means.

      I haven’t had the chance to say ‘Because I said so’ yet, and I agree, I don’t think I will. It’s a lazy thing to say really. xo


      1. It is lazy. But I’ve played the ‘…but why?’ game with three year-olds before…sometimes ‘because I said so!’ needs to be growled at them 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I love, love, love the porkchop one! Brilliant – I am so using it. My mum was also ‘i’m only going to say it once.’ Um, okay fine with me! I have started the ‘if you don’t stop it I’ll turn the tv off!’ turns out… he couldn’t give a flying fig – fail! #fridayfrolics

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Go for it! Maybe do your research on what it means first…..then let me know. Then you will have an answer for your kid when they start to backchat you :).

      The TV one I have used on Reeve too! And he does the same thing….couldn’t give a shit. I am starting to lose my power.

      Thanks for reading. xo

      Liked by 1 person

    1. The china shop one is good. Reeve would certainly fit perfectly with that catchphrase. He is just go, go, go all the time.

      I thought I would never sound like my Mum….but I was wrong.

      Thanks for reading. xo


  3. Love these, they’re great! Not so much a tell off one, but I remember my mum saying a lot if I hurt myself “you’ll be alright before you get married” – I now say it to my two!!! Oh dear… 😜😱xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha! I know. It was such a dumb thing to say, right?!! I think it was a real authoritive thing to say……”You are crying, but I am the boss, and I can so make you cry more if I want”.

      Thanks for reading. xo


  4. I don’t remember any of these, lol! My mum could just give me a ‘look’ that didn’t need words to go with it, or she’d give me the silent treatment until I was good, she put the fear of God in me, haha! Whether or not I’ll be able to have this impact on my 2 year old I’m not sure, the fact I still get scared of my mum when she gives me the ‘look’ it doesn’t look hopeful though!
    Your post was added to #sundaysharefest, I hope you add your fave post of the week by another blogger this Sunday! x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Really?? I suppose everyone had their own things to say to their kids. Your Mum sounds like she didn’t need any catchphrases anyway. My Grandfather had ‘the look’ too. It was like he had lasers or some hypnotic thing going on in his eyes to make us shut the hell up.

      Thanks for sharing on #sundaysharefest. I will definitely post one of my fave posts this Sunday.

      Thanks for reading. xo


  5. There’s lots of phrases I use that I swore I wouldn’t. I pull out the Pork Chop pretty much daily.

    Instead of Because I said so, I say Because I’m your mother and I’ve asked you to. However, sometimes my 3 yo will ask a question and if I don’t have a quick answer, he answers for me with “Just because Mum?” and I say, yeah mate, just because. This happens frequently, sometimes up to 963 times in one day because if I hear the word ‘why’ one more time, I will lose my shit. Yep, it is lazy, but really, sometimes it is ‘just because’.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ohhh! I think you are one of the very few that pulls out the pork chop phrase! I love that one. It makes no freaking sense, but I love it.

      Flynn obviously knows what is coming already with that phrase :). And that’s cool. He has done half the work for you :). We have just started with the WHY shit too. I don’t know if I can cope with, ‘but why Mum?’, for much longer.


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