SCARY MOVIES ARE MY BAD DRUG

Me and scary movies do not go well together. They are like a bad drug that I am addicted to. I always get scared when I watch one and vow to never watch another, then as soon as I see a preview, I gotta order that shit.

The other day Reeve was at daycare and after my housework and blogging, I thought, ‘Hmmm, I might see if there is a movie on’.

Look, I am not going to justify myself here. I don’t usually drop my kid off at daycare so others can look after him, then kick off my shoes when I get home and watch movies all day. It was just this once….and I just justified myself.

So anyway, I see that there is a horror movie on called ‘The Babadook‘. I had a little conversation with myself before the movie started:

Me: “This looks good, let’s watch this.”
Other Me: “Are you crazy stupid??!! You know you freak out with scary movies.”
Me: “Yeah but it’s daylight and I haven’t watched one for ages.”
Other Me: “You are going to regret this.”
Me: “I will be fine. I’m sure it’s not that bad.”
Other Me: “Whatever. Don’t come crying to me when you can’t sleep for the next 2 weeks.”

So after this little heated argument with myself, I watched the movie.

HOLY F**K!! DO NOT….I REPEAT…DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE!!

Actually. Do go and watch it. That way you will understand that I am not being a scared little girl, and you will see that this is one super scary piece of work.

Even in broad daylight, I was looking over my shoulder constantly to see if the freaking Babadook was in my house. I would even play a little game with myself and say “I am so brave that I will not look over my shoulder for the next 5 minutes”….I lasted 20 seconds.

There are scenes and certain noises from this movie that I cannot erase from my head. I had goosebumps the whole time. And you know how there is always a real quiet part in the movie and you know something really effing scary is about to happen???….well a few times during this movie when this happened, there would be this BANG on my sliding door near the lounge. This completely freaked me out.

I eventually found out it was this stupid little bird fighting with it’s own reflection. I nearly turned into the Babadook and chased the demonic feathered thing off.

The demonic bird that purposely scared the crap out of me during the movie.

Another thing that happens with me and watching movies is how much water I drink. Yep, some people eat chips, some people crunch on peanut M&M’s, but I guzzle water. Don’t ask me why, I just do. Chip people do this…..

“Don’t go into that room (crunch, crunch) you stupid girl (crunch, crunch), that’s where the vampire zombie drooling (crunch, crunch, crunch) werewolf is!”

Me, I’m all like…..

“Why would you stay behind (slurp, guzzle, gulp) and not run (slurp, guzzle, gulp) you dumbarse woman (slurp, guzzle, gulp). Save yourself and get help (slurp, guzzle, gulp…..I need to go to the toilet now).”

So this sucks in itself as I am always missing parts of movies running to the toilet. If Matt is watching the movie with me, I will scream at him,…

“MAKE SURE YOU TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS!! EVERYTHING!! DON’T FORGET ONE BIT”.

I run back out and scream “WHAT HAPPENED? I NEED TO KNOW EVERY WORD”.

He replies, “Nothing Kelly. You were gone for 15 seconds”.

So during this horror movie I was watching by myself, I had to go to the toilet so many times, but I was too scared to go by myself.

*Sigh……why did I have to go and order this stupid movie. I should have listened to my other self.

You know how all kids are scared of the boogeyman? Yeah, well I still kinda am. Especially after watching super scary horror movies. I don’t believe in the boogeyman as such. But I seem to bring to life the scary characters from movies in my head.

When I was a kid, I could not have one millimetre of my body overhanging the bed at night. Maybe it is just habit from when I was younger, but every part of my body has to be on the bed. Paranormal Activity played with my head too much and I still have not got over it.

This diagram depicts the complete truth for me.

So after The Babadook had finally finished. I thanked my lucky stars that I could go pick up Reeve from daycare. I now had someone to protect me from all the demons that had crept into my house while I watched this movie – especially into that psycho bird that kept fighting with it self and my sliding door.

I made Reeve go into the house first when we got home. Because I am such a protective mother.

We made it into a little game….

Me: “Reeve, go check Mummys’ cupboards please“.
Me: “Reeve, go check under Mummys’ bed please“.
Me: “Reeve, go scream and throw holy water at that bird outside please“.
Reeve: “Okay Mummy. Can we stop playing this game now“.
Me: “Righto. One last thing though. Can you put a block on the scary movie channel for Mummy? Thanks beautiful“.

I don’t know why I do this to myself….watching scary movies. I will never learn.

I still haven’t gotten over ‘The Ring’, and ‘The Grudge’, and ‘Ghost Ship’, and all those other awful horror movies. They are my drug though. I love them but then can’t sleep for weeks after watching.

After writing this blog….I have just relived that bloody horror movie. I will now not sleep for another 4 nights. But I am sure there is so many people out there who are the same as me???

Please share your scariest movie moment and help me believe that I am not the only one who sort of believes in the boogeyman!!

Love (as Reeve says),

xxoo

p.s. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT NOISE? Oh. That crappy little bird outside has come back.