A NOTHING DAY

Is it okay if I do absolutely nothing today? Not like ‘NOTHING’ nothing, but just half as much as I usually would do as a parent.

You know those days where you wake up, roll over and say to yourself, “I don’t want to do it today, please don’t make me”.

Occasionally I have these days. I have to, because I am only human. But apparently this is what a lot of people think us stay-at-home Mums/Parents do anyway…..absolutely nothing. Well actually, we do occasionally throw one of these rare days in….so there!! Judge us all you want!

I used to be one of those arseholes. Those ones that thought, “How the hell can stay-at-home parents not get anything done? They only have to look after kids. How easy is that?”.

Then I became a parent, and I now get it.

They got this so wrong. (Image from envisioningtheamericandream.com)

I know not all people without kids think this. But some do, and sometimes I just want grab them and merge their work life into parent life so they realise…..like this for example:

• Wake up at 5:30am by someone yelling out your name 50 times. Don’t roll over and have an extra 5 minutes sleep….get the hell up NOW!
• Get to your office at 5:35am every morning. Haven’t brushed your teeth? Haven’t eaten? Oh well, your problem.
• Sit down and try and answer your work emails, all the while having your workmates scream, claw at you, and demand a banana/rabbit/daddy/the moon and stars. Go on, try and concentrate.
• Go and make a coffee for yourself. You won’t drink it until 3 hours later, nice and cold.
• Make an important phonecall that just can’t wait….your boss comes in and demands to speak to his Nanny. Try and calm your boss down and say it isn’t Nanny you’re speaking to. He still cries out, throws himself on the floor, and screams to talk to his Nanny.
• Toilet break! All workmates insist on watching you in your toilet cubicle whilst sniggering and asking questions about what you are doing.
• Write your report that needs to be done by lunch….which now has crayon over it….which now has grubby hand prints on it…..which is now crumpled up…..your report is now destroyed.
• Make everyones lunch, then make it for yourself. Now share your lunch with everyone else, and you are allowed the scraps from their plates, plus the bits they have thrown on the floor. You now have a little bit of energy to get you through the rest of the day.
• Your nice clean work shirt is now covered with a mix of rice bubbles, vegemite, mandarin juice, and snot….because your workmates insisted to wipe their lunch hands all over you.
• Allow for an unexpected tantrum, poo explosion, snot river from their nose, neck throttling hug, back chat, or a cherished personal item (one of yours) to be thrown…..every 5 minutes. Be prepared for any one of these things, or all of them at once……then morph into a human army swiss knife to manage these things.
• Entertain everyone in your office, all the time. I don’t care if you don’t want to do it, just do it or they will turn into little evil monsters and produce a very high pitched, headache inducing noise from their mouths.
• Pick up everyone’s shit (sometimes literally), 254 times a day.
• Explain to your boss why he can’t eat the dead bug he just found. You will never win this fight, but just try your best. He will then proceed to cry for his Nanny.
• Look at the time and wonder when you can clock off…..NEVER! You will never end this job….EVER!
• You can go home now, but that’s only half your day done. You still have to cook dinner, feed the kid, wash the kid, put kid to bed, tidy the house, and organise the next day….then repeat all above points again from 5:30am the next day for the rest of your life…..or at least for the next 18 – 30 years.
• Oh, and now you are allowed to eat…..and sleep for a little bit.

So did you get all your work done?

No? Why not?

Did you have a stressful day? What were you doing all that time?

Don’t be one of those people that think we do nothing all day. It’s the same when people work their businesses from home. If they do nothing all day, they don’t make money, their business fails, and they have to start all over. Stay-at-home parents are the same…… we have to look after the kids and the household, or it can all fall apart. It looks like little jobs to you, but those little jobs can add up to a million and one things that have to get done in a number of hours…otherwise it all goes to shit.

All the expected refresher breaks are void to us parents. Weekends, public holidays, annual leave, and sickies no longer exist for our tribe. They mean nothing to us anymore. They are dead to us now.

So forgive us if we decide to have A NOTHING DAY every once in a while. We bloody deserve them and yes, we probably will feel guilty after one, but our minds and sanity need them.

My job as a parent is the best, but it is also the hardest. It sort of like having the best day of your life that sucks at the same time. Or starting your day as Batman (the hero) and then ending your day as Robin (the sidekick who no one likes). Hmmmm….I know that sounds confusing. Okay, this picture below sums it up…..

(image from austinally.wikia.com)

It doesn’t really…..I just think this picture is hilarious.

Love (as Reeve says),

xxoo

p.s. This blog is meant for you to share with all those lovely friends you have with no kids, who love to comment on the ‘Easy Life’ of a parent.